


Dancing After Death

by alisonsmith3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas didn’t like the ending either, Dean Winchester Deserves Better, Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy, Fix-It, Heaven, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Series Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27684973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alisonsmith3/pseuds/alisonsmith3
Summary: "You stayed away on purpose? You let me believe that you were gone, that I failed you, again! For what?”“So you could be happy!” Cas snapped.Dean didn’t take a second to think. The words rushed out of his mouth with the purest emotion he had ever felt, “You think I can be happy without you?”Dean is in the Heaven he deserves but does he really deserve to be alone? After so much fighting and so much heartache, it seems like a cheap consolation prize. It feels like he’s missing something.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 182





	Dancing After Death

**Author's Note:**

> "If I let go, would you hold on? Would we fly?  
> Is it safer if we just say that we tried?  
> Are we laughing at the danger?  
> Are we dancing after death, you and I?"
> 
> \- Dancing After Death by Matt Maeson

Golden light poured through the clean glass of the impala. There wasn’t a single smudge. Not a hint of a spot missed after cleaning off the blood of some ugly creature.

The falling light stretched across the dashboard and warmed Dean’s knuckles. He dropped one hand to put the car in park before reaching for the keys. He could feel the engine drop out. His palms still hummed from the feel of the steering wheel in his hands.

It seemed strange how real it all felt. Heaven was supposed to be…well, Heaven but he always assumed there would be something off about it. That the impala wouldn’t have her beautiful little quirks, that the air would be just a little too clean, that there would always be that itch he could never scratch.

Jack had done a good job though. Every detail was perfect, especially in the impala. She creaked and groaned in all the right places, the permanent smell of whisky and gunpowder still lingering on her leather interior. The kid had done her right.

A thought suddenly pushed up to the front of his mind. Maybe it wasn’t the kid who got all of the details so perfect.

_“So, Jack did all that?” Dean asked, his eyes dragging over the massive expanse of woodland and backroad in front of him._

_“Well,” Bobby’s beer hissed as he cracked off the top, “Cas helped.”_

The significant look on Bobby’s face still lingered in Dean’s inner mind. A shaky breath left his mouth. He hadn’t been sure how to process that information at the moment. He still didn’t know how.

Did that mean Cas was back? Something about that twisted wrong in Dean’s gut. How could Cas be back and he just stayed in Heaven? It had been months since Jack took the reins. If he’d had Cas back that whole time then why didn’t he ever come down to visit? Why didn’t he at least let them know he was okay? They deserved that much. Maybe it would have eased the pain just a little.

Dean might have put on a brave face for Sam and told him not to wallow but old habits were hard to break. Even to the very end, he wanted to protect Sam. That included protecting him from guilt. There was no reason Sam should feel anything but overjoyed now that everything was right. He even had Eileen back and Dean... Well, Dean had Miracle at least.

If he was honest, the main reason he kept that dog around was because he needed a reason to get up in the morning. He had needed something to rely on him. He needed something to sleep at his feet when he woke up from the dreams which he could only classify as nightmares.

They were more like memories but changed a little each night. It was the same scene: Cas’s eyes filled with tears as he confessed his heart out to Dean. Each time, Dean reacted differently in a way he had no control over. More than once he yelled and said horrible things only to watch Cas’s heart break before the empty swallowed him whole. Other times were more like the reality, Dean standing there in stunned silence, his mouth glued shut by a force he had no hope of overcoming. Both felt wrong. Both made him wake him up in the dead of night and reach out for Miracle and pray for _one more_ miracle to bring Cas back.

So many nights he spent in the personal hell that he called his own mind. So many times he silently begged. So many times he drank a little too much in hopes that the dream wouldn’t haunt him. And despite all of that, Cas was just here?

Maybe there was something he’d missed about Cas’s last words. He was an angel, some lofty celestial being. He might not have understood the gravity of the words he used. It could have meant something else to him. Even if that were the case, it was hard to deny that it felt like so much more to Dean. It was meant more and yet he still didn’t know how to comprehend it.

He ran a hand over his face, almost visibly brushing off his emotions.

This was Heaven. He was meant to be content, happy even. All he had to do was wait until Sammy got there. That was all he needed.

He pushed open the door and stepped out of the impala. His eyes finally roamed over the house Bobby had directed him to when he’d returned from his drive. It was a small, rustic farmhouse with a copper roof and moss spilling over the gutters. It was quaint and quiet. He’d seen about a dozen of these over the years, usually proceeded by kicking the front door down to shoot whatever godawful thing was trying to kill the family inside. There was always a family in these types of houses, that’s what they were meant for. It seemed too big for just Dean.

He stomped up the steps, his heavy boots thumping against the wood and making the foundation tremble.

When he got to the door, his hand hesitated over the sun-warmed handle.

This was it. This was his Heaven, a peaceful life all alone.

Another sigh was pulled out from the base of his lungs. He pushed the door open.

The inside was just as he expected. The same style as the outside with a comfortable, pre-broken in couch and a lounge chair he swore looked a lot like the one he had in the bunker. Everything about the place looked comfortable and tailored to the life Dean always wanted. There was still a case for shotguns and rifles, though he’d never need them again, and a decent sized TV to watch his favorite westerns – or chic-flics. He paused at the coat rack, seeing that all too familiar leather jacket hanging off one of the pegs.

He ran a hand over the soft leather, letting out a breathy snort.

Dean stepped deeper into the house, rounding the corner and assuming it would lead him to the kitchen. He was right. There was a fairly sized kitchen there but that wasn’t what pulled the gasp from his mouth.

What had shocked him, what had hit him in the face like a ton of bricks and sent an influx of emotions shivering down his spine, was the fact that he was not as alone as he thought.

“Hello, Dean.”

That deep, gravelly voice had never before sounded so good to Dean.

His breath had left his lungs. He was trying so hard to say something but he couldn’t even settle on one shape for his mouth - it kept flickering between a smile and a grimace that was trying to hold back all his emotions. It felt like his nightmares all over again. He still couldn’t speak. For a second he panicked that this is exactly what it was, that he was just a sleep and Cas was still gone.

“Hi,” his mouth somewhat managed to push out. It sounded more like a long sigh capped by his broken voice. He swallowed hard and made an attempt to clear his throat.

He tried to find something to steady himself and the only thing he could focus on was the coat, that same trench coat Cas always wore. The one that washed up on the shore after one of the various times Cas had sacrificed himself for him. The one Dean carried around until he finally got him back again. It was the first thing that popped in his head when he thought of Cas. It had been through nearly as much as the impala and despite everything continued to hang off Cas’s shoulders the same way it always did. It hadn’t changed and neither had he. In Heaven, in Hell, or in Purgatory, he was still the same Cas.

“Hi, Cas.” His mouth finally found a shape. It began to curl into a smile although various emotions were still swirling in his eyes. “You look good.”

Cas, who had yet to make any more movement other than one heavy gulp, tilted his head down to look at his clothes. “I look the same as I always do.”

Dean’s smile became more certain. “Exactly.”

Cas’s lips tightened. He looked away from Dean. His eyes grazed over the kitchen as if it was his first time seeing it and not, in fact, the place he’d been standing for the last hour waiting for Dean to arrive. The wait hadn’t bothered him. He’d been prepared to wait for longer. “You got here sooner than I would have hoped.” He turned his face back to Dean, eyes accusatory. “Did my sacrifice mean nothing?”

Dean’s smile twitched, the shape was held up merely by thin strings of false emotion. “I didn’t think I’d be here yet, either,” he admitted. He shook his head. “I’m done making deals though. If it’s my time then,” Dean shrugged, “I guess it’s my time.”

The angel’s face hardened. He took a step forward. “It’s not. You were supposed to have more. I wanted you to have a life. That’s why I stayed away-”

“What?”

Cas realized his mistake before Dean interrupted him. He looked away again, swallowing down the rest of his words.

The smile had completely vanished. Dean’s face wrenched up into a scowl. “You stayed away on purpose? You let me believe that you were gone, that I failed you, again! For what?”

“So you could be happy!” Cas snapped.

Dean didn’t take a second to think. The words rushed out of his mouth with the purest emotion he had ever felt, “You think I can be happy without you?”

They both stopped. The air was alight with an electricity even heaven couldn’t attempt to clear up. Cas’s eyes were wide, his mouth a startled, flat line as if even the slightest movement would knock Dean’s words out of the space between them and make them become meaningless. While Dean hadn’t been expecting to say something like that, he didn’t regret it. He continued to glare at Cas until there was no denying that he meant every word.

Cas blinked twice before finally opening his mouth again. “I didn’t want to complicate things.”

The ire in Dean’s eyes softened. He ran his tongue over his lips, shaking his head as he tried to find a clear train of thought. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, Cas, but I’m sort of used to complications. We would have figured it out.”

Cas nodded slowly. There was something in his eyes that didn’t sit well with Dean, especially when he chose to look at the ground instead of at him. He chose to try to find something else to turn his attention to. “How’d you get out anyway? The Empty is about the only thing the Men of Letters have almost nothing on. I couldn’t find anything on getting a human in, let alone getting someone out.”

The idea that Dean had actually been trying to get him out somehow surprised Cas. It really shouldn’t have. That was just who Dean was but it seemed different now. If there was one thing Dean Winchester did better than saving people, it was trying to avoid emotions. Leaving Cas would have been an easy way to leave the past in the past.

“Jack made a deal with the Empty,” Cas answered. He could read the instant head tilt and tightened eyes from Dean. Making more deals. How many times did that work out for them? “It was a fair deal. The Empty gave me up and Jack would help it go back to sleep. With Amara’s help, it was easy. Everything is back where it’s supposed to be now.”

Dean’s jaw flexed. His eyes moved towards the window. The golden haze of the setting light shined over the impala in the driveway – his driveway. This was his place now. He sighed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“You shouldn’t be here yet, Dean,” Cas pressed. The earnestly in his eyes surpassed merely believing he was right. The grimace on his mouth looked painful. He didn’t want this for Dean. “I can ask Jack to-”

“No,” Dean said sternly. “No.” His voice was softer this time as he shook his head. “It’s time that things that are dead stay dead.”

“Your family-”

“Is right here,” Dean finished Cas’s sentence for him. Cas didn’t look convinced. “Mom, Dad, Jack, Bobby, they’re all here. We’re only missing Sammy now and he’ll get here when he gets here.”

“Until then?”

“Until then,” Dean took what appeared to be a very conscious step forward, “I guess it’s just you and me.”

Cas blinked. He could feel his breath begin to pick up but he tried to play it off. “Yes, well, we tried to make heaven as similar to earth as possible but I guess I can show you around.”

“Okay,” Dean said slowly. “But I still need an answer first.”

Cas focused on the man again. “You never asked a question.”

Dean’s lips pursed, his eyes narrowing. He was trying very hard to keep his temper level. “Why didn’t you come back?”

“I told you,” Cas urged. “I didn’t want to-”

“Complicate things, yeah, you said that,” Dean interrupted once again, only irritating Cas more. Dean shook his head. “You should have come back, Cas.”

Cas swallowed, Dean’s gaze feeling heavier by the second. “Dean, what I said before the Empty took me. I know it wasn’t something you were expecting. We don’t need to talk about it. It was just something I needed to say out loud.”

Dean took another step forward. “Shut up, Cas.”

Cas’s face fell instantly. That pain had returned and Dean’s dreams became a reality once again. He thought he understood what Dean meant but he wasn’t even close. “I’m sorry if I-”

Dean interrupted him once more, this time by taking his face in his hands. The corner of his mouth twitched in bemusement. “Shut up, Cas.”

There was a crease on Cas’s brow but Dean didn’t wait for him to say anything else. He realized now, with Cas right in front of him, that trying to speak in his dreams was never the right answer. Dean was never a wordsmith but there were other ways he could show Cas what he felt. And now, with Cas standing right in front of him, he was certain he knew exactly what that feeling was.

He pulled Cas’s face close and pressed his lips to his. It was something completely new to Dean. He’d never felt stubble brush against his own or had broad shoulders to grab onto. It didn’t feel wrong though. He didn’t feel like he had to be gentle.

Never before did he realize that he hesitated just a little with women. It was a side effect of his life. He was always scared of breaking things. But Castiel... Castiel was an angel. He had been through hell – and everything else anyone could imagine. If the Empty couldn’t break him then Dean’s tight grip wasn’t going to do it either. He could hold on for dear life and Cas would simply return it with the same enthusiasm.

When they pulled back, they were both panting. “Sorry it took me so long to tell you that,” Dean husked.

“I thought-“

Dean shook his head, silencing him. He ran his thumb over his cheek, looking into the crystal blue eyes he trusted so much. “It’s just a vessel, right?” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “It’s _you_ that I care about. I love you, Castiel.”

A smile spread across Cas’s face. His eyes were glassy, glistening with tears of joy. “I love you too.” The words came out on a laugh as if Cas couldn’t believe he was saying them again. It was the most beautiful sound Dean had ever heard.

Dean’s smile stretched into a grin. He pressed his lips to the angel once again, quicker this time, as if he simply couldn’t hold in his affection anymore. When they broke away this time, he leaned down to press their foreheads together.

“This is what you meant right,” Dean asked, his eyes closed as he took in the feeling of the angel still between his hands. His rough thumbs running over rougher stubble. “It’s not different for angels?”

There was a pause. “I don’t know.”

Dean pulled back just enough to meet Cas’s eyes. He dropped his hands from Cas’s face to his shoulders. “What do you mean?” They couldn’t be guessing on this. He wouldn’t be able to handle it if Cas woke up one day and told him this wasn’t what he meant, that he wanted to go back to how it was before. Dean was all in. He was putting all of his money on the table. He couldn’t afford to lose now.

Cas saw the panic in his eyes and hastened to explain. “I know I want to be around you.” He reached up to grasp Dean’s jacket, the weight of his tug making something warm run down Dean’s back. “I want to touch you.” His eyes flickered to Dean’s mouth. “I want to kiss you again.” Dean had to swallow down his own desire. “And I don’t think I could be happy without you either, not anymore.” He found Dean’s eyes again. “Is that how it feels for you.”

Dean nodded slowly. “It is.”

“Then, yes. It’s real.”

Dean couldn’t hold it in any longer. He pulled Cas forward again and it felt even better than before. Everything felt so incredibly right.

Finally, it really did feel like he was in Heaven.

Sam wasn’t there yet but he could take his time. He wasn’t alone. Angels were still watching over him.

**Author's Note:**

> I love and respect the writers of SPN. They clearly did something right to make everyone love this show this much, and I’ll accept the ending as it was. However, I am going to pretend they left out a few key scenes and add them in myself. Much love.
> 
> P.S.: 2020 should have been the one that got stuck on a nail


End file.
